I have no idea what to write. I feel frustrated and empty.
I used to be unable to NOT write. Blog posts would form in my head as I showered every morning, went for walks, vacuumed, shopped, worked.
Now – nothing… I feel brain dead. I have nothing to say. I have no opinions. I feel nothing but crippling anxiety.
Is it the chemical cocktail I am subjecting my body to? It would be ironic if it was, because it certainly not doing much for my mental health. I am constantly anxious, fidgety and irritable. Not to mention the depression. All these strategies that my psychologist keeps giving me and I can’t get past my paralysis to use any of them. Surely the meds are supposed to help with that? Get you better enough to start using the “strategies”?
Sometimes I wonder if I’d be better off without any meds? They don’t seem to be making me better, so why bother?
I’m terrified of the weaning off process. It hurts. I’d want to be in a hospital to wean. Imagine two or three weeks alone, with your every need catered to? If only someone could look after the boys for that long.
Even changing meds hurts. The side effects as you wean off one and start another are horrid. I am so tired of the med merry-go-round, but I feel I have no choice. This is my life.
In the meantime life goes on. Unblogged. My business stagnates, as my anxiety prevents me from implementing any strategies to get some clients. I know what I should be doing, but I don’t. It feels so hard to pick up the phone, to compose an email, to spruik myself all over the place. My faith in the Law of Attraction to deliver the right clients to me when I need them is dwindling.
I’ve updated my vision board to include lots of pictures of money and Byron Bay. All that’s missing is the new car, even though I can see myself cruising in it around Byron Bay. Do you think that will help?
See? My brain is dead!