I had a terribly sad thought today, as I drove home from school drop off – what if my boys won’t know how to be fathers?
After all, they have no example of how to be a father. The only examples they see are intermittent – from their teachers and Scout leaders and even then, the men are not acting as fathers, but as teachers and Scout leaders.
What if they give up, like their father, at the first sign of trouble? At the first sign of it getting hard?
I cried all the way home.
After all, my ex, had no role model and look how he turned out. He left me the first time, when my first son was 7 months old and basically only came back because of a warped sense of duty and obligation. And yet, he became a father again to his second wife and seems to be doing that OK.
How will my children cope when they become fathers?
Will my mothering be enough to set them up for fatherhood?
Do I need to have a talk with them when they become fathers and tell them to come to me when things get hard and they start thinking about leaving?
What can I do? Should I do anything? Is it up to me? Have I done enough? Is there still time to do more?
Tell me that it’s going to be OK, dear internet.