Being bored

It’s said that only boring people are bored, but I say “bullshit!” to that. Having chronic mental illness or a disability can mean that sustaining interest in things can be hard if not impossible and not all of us can be entertained by the mundane lives that are thrust upon us.

My mother always says that she doesn’t have time to be bored, because if she isn’t watching TV, or reading, she is cooking, gardening or cleaning. Probably a lot less so as she is getting older, but that was her answer to everything – housework.

Sorry, Mum, but housework is the most boring thing in the world. It is also pointless, because no sooner do you finish a chore, it needs to be done again. It’s not that I’m not house-proud, I am, but I do not find housework entertaining in any way, and as soon as I am able to get a cleaner, I will. So, no, I can have plenty of housework to do, but I am still bored.

I love working in my business and I loved working in my part-time job and to be honest, house-hunting was fun, because it was different and it had a purpose. But for the life of me I cannot find anything interesting to occupy my time other than watching shows on streaming services and playing games on my phone.

I’m looking forward to starting work, not just for the income, but to have something worthwhile to do with myself during the day. Working full time again, will hopefully make me appreciate “free” time again, and maybe I will pick up all those craft projects I’ve started and can’t seem to finish.

As an autistic person, I am “meant” to have a “special interest”, something that consumes all my energy and time, but for me, these interests have come and gone over the years and yes, when I’m in the midst of one, it does consume me totally, but the last two years have been incredibly barren. I’ve been so financially stressed that I haven’t had the spoons to focus on anything other than trying to make my business work, or apply for jobs. Most days I’m lucky to have had a shower, or got dressed and made dinner.

And yet, the overwhelming feeling has been that of boredom. I’ve not had anything to really sink my teeth into. Getting ready to move has given me a list of tasks to take care of and, of course, packing. I try to do a few boxes every day, so that we’re not left with a two-day marathon on the weekend before the move.

Oh, haven’t I told you? Yes, I got us a house! The same day that I published the last post. It’s the one I wanted and it’s almost perfect, except for a somewhat smaller kitchen compared to the one we have now. I’ll finally have an office with a door and a properly set up crafting space. We get the keys on 26th February and move on the 3rd of March. It’s all very exciting and scary at the same time. I don’t think I was made to live in the same place for my whole life unless it’s a place I can buy and really love. I get bored too easily. Ha ha!

It’s good to have help with this move. The last three moves I packed and unpacked the house all on my own and frankly have some traumatic memories of at least one of those moves, which was rushed and overwhelming. This time things feel easy and leisurely. And it’s lovely to find lots of things to throw out or sell again.

But when I’m not engaged in house moving activities I am bored shitless. Despite an unfinished crochet project, a mosaic in the same condition and various other things. I just can’t. The motivation just isn’t there. Yet.

Do you get bored easily? Or do you manage to keep occupied with the daily grind of job, housework, child rearing, etc? Or are you simply busy and still bored? Let me know in the comments below.

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Also published on Medium.