After all these years, I still hate you. I hate that you are so imprinted on my psyche that it inserts you, without my knowledge, or permission, into my dreams. I hate that these dreams are so often humiliating, making me relive the rejection over and over again. I hate that sometimes they’re perfectly ordinary […]
Why I still don’t love parenting
I believe that there are some people who are made to be parents. And I also believe that some are not. I am one of the latter. Parenting doesn’t come “naturally” to me. It is neither easy nor instinctive. I had to be taught everything I know by others and it still didn’t make me […]
Facebook friendships aren’t real
I used to think they were. I would pour my heart and soul into Facebook statuses and I would get real conversation, but these days there are only crickets. It didn’t used to be this way. When I first joined Facebook I only added people I actually knew and I saw those quite a lot, […]
Waiting for the other shoe to drop
So the boys have had two visits with their dad and still my anxiety refuses to pipe down. While all is civil and they seem to really enjoy re-acquainting themselves with him, I keep wondering when things are going to go pear-shaped. I had an unexpected visit from Child Protection shortly after the first visit and […]
Can they be fathers?
I had a terribly sad thought today, as I drove home from school drop off – what if my boys won’t know how to be fathers? After all, they have no example of how to be a father. The only examples they see are intermittent – from their teachers and Scout leaders and even then, […]
