In the dream, I was outside my old house in Brunswick. I was looking in through the gaps in the raised picket fence at the garden that I built. It’s been a few years since I last saw it and what I saw made me sad. The lush, fragrant cottage garden I made, was now a spare, austere space, with a few starved looking rose bushes remaining out of the verdant, green ones I’d left behind. Gone was the honeysuckle I had trailing through the verandah, so was the fig tree and the lilac bushes were all thinned out and dry. The climbing roses were gone, too.
A friend suggested that perhaps the garden of my dream was a reflection of my life and I was observing how much I had changed. That perhaps there were unseen seeds in the garden that hadn’t yet had time to germinate. Perhaps.
My first thought though was that since it was those verdant, lush and fragrant parts of the garden that were missing, then perhaps they are also missing from my life? My life is very simple and austere. I am starved of joy and lushness and beauty.
Instead of nourishing myself, I berate myself for every “wrong” thought and action. The only way I express my creativity is through this blog. My crafts lie abandoned and I don’t see the point in picking them up again. Whenever I think of them, all I see is cost, hassle and mess.
That garden of my dream wasn’t well nourished either. It was crying out for love and attention, yet it also seemed tightly controlled, not allowed to grow rampant, the way my garden was.
I would let my garden grow like crazy, before I would rein it in with my secateurs every couple of months or so. I loved the look of a freshly curbed garden, with all the potential for new growth in the freshly pruned stalks. Even when freshly cut back, it looked healthy and full of life.
Maybe I just simply miss gardening? My little herb patch just isn’t enough. It doesn’t require much love or tending, but it has grown crazy in the last few months. Maybe if I just take to it with my secateurs I will feel better?
Somehow, I think I need to find a way to nourish myself again. A bit of fertiliser never hurt anyone, right?
How do you nourish your soul?