When someone you admire falls off their pedestal, it makes an almighty thud in your soul.
Somebody who continually gushes about wanting to help women feel better about themselves and find a safe space to talk, somebody who makes an incredibly rude response on Facebook to a seemingly innocuous comment, a comment that you find insulting and hurtful. Somebody who emails you to apparently apologise, while maintaining her sense of superiority, in terms of her intelligence and the contribution that they are making to the world, and leaves you feeling even more hurt and insulted. Somebody like that ceases to be a woman you admire and becomes someone you want out of your life, together with all the other toxic influences.
It is very hard for me to find kindred spirits and while for a brief moment I imagined that she might be one, that feeling did not last long. Still, she remained someone I admired for her drive and honesty, even if I did not agree with everything she said. I admired her story and her sense of humour, but I did not admire the way she continually espoused the greatness of her cause and dreams, as if somehow they were more worthy than the simple dreams of most of her followers.
Surviving each day with sanity and providing enriching experiences for my children are my dreams. I dream of changing the world through my own behaviour and through the men my children will grow up to be.
These are simple, yet no less important than the dreams of others, big or small.
I don’t think it helps anyone to be reminded how small their dreams are and that they really should be aiming for something greater. Ending world hunger and poverty, maybe.
I am realistic about how the world works. I am realistic about my capabilities in light of my mental health. I do not dream dreams beyond my own reality. I believe we change the world together, by dreaming small dreams that add up to those great ones that will eventually come to life. I believe in connection between people and in developing common realities, by sharing goals and beliefs.
My view of the world is no less worthy than anyone else’s.
I am disappointed, not just hurt. Yet, had I listened to my intuition, I would have left that person behind a year ago, when I first began to see them differently.
There is an emptiness in my soul and a lingering sense of pain. To see someone behave in a manner so contradictory to the values they espouse was distressing.
My skin is thin and my trust not given lightly. Now I have another reason to keep myself to myself.
Perhaps the real me only lives here?
What about you? Has someone you admired ever fallen off their pedestal? How did you feel?
Image by Tim Green from here
“I dream of changing the world through my own behaviour and through the men my children will grow up to be.” That right there is probably the noblest dream of all, in my opinion, in my opinion.
Thanks, Kristin. I’m all about keeping it real.
Hi Dorothy, I have been going through something similar with someone I am close, it has been very painful experience and I realise that there is also a lot of a grief I am releasing. I related to your post today…..Marian
Sorry to hear you’ve been going through this, too. Hugs..
Oh Dorothy, I am so sorry to hear you have had to experience this. Sadly some people are only meant to be in our lives for a reason and once that reason has been met it is times to part ways. I hope in the end you can find a perspective that helps you grow positively from this. Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses lovely xx
Thanks. You’re right. That person had a role to fulfil in my life when I needed her and she did a great job. Now it’s time for both of us to move on.
oh wow. I had a feeling who this was directed to, so I went looking… because I’m like that. I am so sorry you were spoken to that way. Facebook statuses that ask for hugs and encouragement and then shoot you down for your words. It’s not fair, it’s uncool and makes people want to never attempt a kind word in that direction again. I am shaking my head.
Move on. Your dreams are just as worthy.
Thanks, hun. Those responses were completely OTT and rude. I can’t imagine speaking to anyone like that. Ever.
Moving on.
Sorry to hear that Dorothy. I don’t know the back story, but it’s never nice. Sometimes I find ‘online’ doesn’t help. I like to step back from the laptop and the phone when these things happen and just go unplugged for a while and focus on the people who are around me offering support. Hope you feel better soon.
Thanks, Angela. It’s been happening off line too with this person, so it was time to say goodbye.
Sometimes in life we meet people who make us better and feel better, sometimes we meet people so that we can find a better way to be, and sometimes we meet people so that we can find others to move closer to. Not everyone is the same, but we are all the same inside – we have feelings and dreams. No matter what your dreams are, they are important to you and that’s all that counts. So live your life – hold your head up high and keep on dreaming xxx
There was definitely a time and a place for this person, a time that has passed and a time now for me to move on.
Sometimes I think people make comments before they have put their brains into gear! In my opinion we all have to live our own lives. I have no dreams to change the world. I was not created with the drive or passion to do that. But that doesn’t make my goals and dreams any less. As long as you are living your own dreams, however big or small, your hitting the mark 100%.
No, this woman was quite unchanging in her views, even in her email sent a couple of hours after the FB comment. She knew exactly what she wanted to say and has not apologised for her views or words, only for the fact that they might have upset me.