Letter to the other woman

So, today I discovered that there is a new “thing” happening on Facebook and Instagram, where women who are madly in love with their men, post a thank you to all of his previous partners for letting him go and therefore allowing him to come into their lives. My response? Gag! Vomit! Barf!

Or this.

Dear Other Woman

Thank you so much for taking this loser off of my hands. It hurt so much at the time, but, honestly, it’s been the best thing that has ever happened to me. You have no idea how you changed my life. I am finally my own woman, not dependent on anyone to define my worth. I am free! Free, I tell ya!

Imagine, if you hadn’t come along, I would still be stuck with that lying, cheating, manipulative sociopath and sex offender. Of course I would have forgiven him and taken him back, despite his criminal record and I still would be none the wiser about the person he truly is. I would still be trapped in an abusive relationship and I would even consider myself lucky and in love, having no idea that emotional abuse existed.

I would be putting up with his constant sulks and inability to take action to pursue the things he said he wanted. He would still be leaving all decision making to me and would still be lying about all the things he “won” in competitions, when he actually purchased them. His mother would still be canonising him (and she probably still is) for putting up with such an “unstable” woman and for being such a “great dad” and helping me “so much”! Well, what I had needed most over the course of our relationship was emotional support and connection, and you know what? He has no idea what that is. That’s what makes him a sociopath. And I reckon you must be one, too, because you are apparently happy with this state of affairs. Well, good for you!

No, I am no longer bitter and twisted. I am still angry at yours and his behaviour. Adultery is inexcusable. So is disregarding marriage vows. But, as I’ve said, the emotional part of his brain got disconnected a long time ago. I guess being abused and neglected by his mother caused that. I mean who teaches their kid to steal and ignores their emotional needs? Oh, yes. His mother. 

Yes, I am angry occasionally, but not disabled by my anger and it is no longer a constant simmer under my skin. Every now and then something you three did pops into my head and my ire starts to rise, but you know what? These days I don’t even give it much air, just note it and dismiss it. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

I’ve discovered that I’m actually an OK person and a bloody good mother. I mean, I raised these kids on my own and they are pretty awesome kids. They’ve had it pretty rough, wondering why their father is no longer in their lives and I know that that’s been my decision, but then I don’t see him putting any effort into getting some sort of access. And you know who they want to give their Father’s Day presents to? Me! Yes, that’s right, me! They know how awesome I am. I’m sure that one day they will have to deal with their “father issues”, but I know they will do it well and without bitterness towards me. 

I am also thrilled to tell you that both of them show no signs of any pathology similar to their father’s. Neither of them is developing into a manipulative and cruel sociopath. It seems that nurture is winning over nature in our house.

So, once again, thank you. Thank you for coming along when you did, when he was realising that I was growing and slowly stepping into my power. That I was questioning our relationship and considering options for leaving. Except, I would not have left, because, you know, marriage vows. And children. Also, I tend to see the best people and ignore their dark sides. Silly me. I’ve learnt to trust my intuition since then and really take my time getting to know people. 

One more thing. A bit of a secret I’ve discovered. A woman doesn’t need a man, or a partner, to be whole. She is already complete. She is already enough. Just being alive is enough. And I relish in being alive. And away from you all. 

God bless….