To finally turn the stress, the trauma, the lessons of the last 15 months into something that I can hold and say, “I made this!”. And hopefully into something that can help others find strength and know that no matter how bad things seem at the time, there is always tomorrow and that after enough tomorrows have passed we are changed and capable of feeling good again.
The hurts of the past do not diminish us in any way, as I used to think, they do not tarnish our souls. More often, than not, they scour away at the shallow varnish of socialisation and popular culture and reveal our true selves – the soul and spirit that shines and glitters and allows us to reach for our wildest dreams. Fear is stripped away and all that remains is faith that we are who we are and that that is pretty damn wonderful! Others’ opinions of us truly do no matter and, in fact, are quite laughable, especially when we are surrounded by those who have seen our souls.
After a lifetime of battling depression – reading book after book, seeing innumerable therapists, trying various techniques to help me function, I have finally realised that all those things have actually helped and made me who I am today. I’ve gained tremendous insight into myself, I have learnt coping strategies and, most importantly, I discovered that my way of dealing with this illness is different to others’ and that’s OK.
So, I am finally going to write that book. It may be just for me, or it may not. But I will make an attempt and see what happens. I will expose my soul, I will expose others’ cruelty and my faith. And whatever will be will be…..
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