A year that just was

So 2014 was neither here nor there for me.

It wasn’t a fantastic year, but it wasn’t catastrophic either. It was just ordinary.

If anything, it showed me, yet again, that I can cope with anything life throws at me.

My biggest achievement was learning to run with Operation Move. It showed me that my body is capable of a lot more than I gave it credit for and that sheer bloody-mindedness can push it beyond what it thought it could do. Learning to run helped me feel strong and confident, even if it didn’t result in any great body transformations, as I had hoped.

Operation Move

My lowest point was having to take an admin job at a local primary school to make ends meet financially. The worst thing about it was that it followed 12 months of job hunting, several interviews and not a single offer. In the end, I was employed because I come with a wage subsidy and am therefore cheap labour. I really don’t like working for someone else, no matter how nice the job and the people are.

My first son finished primary school and as strange as it seems to have a child that old, I love seeing my children grow and develop their independence, moving through all their milestones and being reasonably nice human beings. So far, so good.

Mr Cuddles, the tabby kitten, joined our family just before Christmas, to the hissy disapproval and dismay of our other two cats.

Christmas seems to be cat time in our family, with cats either arriving or dying around this time. Mr Cuddles is living up to his name, spending his time draped across, or cuddled up on me, which is exactly what I wanted from a cat. The other two are very stand-offish, preferring their own company to the affection of humans.

I had a big realisation this year that my depression is not being managed as well as it could be. I learnt that the opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, something I have not had in a very long time. Money does indeed make the world go round, because without money I cannot pursue other treatment options.

So I do what I can and am thankful that while my “normal” mood and level of activity are well below those who are not depressed, at least my symptoms are not catastrophic and I continue to function.

It is a kind of Catch 22. Depression is affecting my ability to earn money, but without money, there is little more I can do about my depression. So, in 2015 I need to earn more money.

I don’t do New Year’s resolutions. I used to do intentions and last year I had a word, “Abundance”, which didn’t really do anything. For 2015 my word is “Mindfulness”. I want to be more conscious of what I’m doing, what I’m thinking, what I’m eating. I want to stop mindless activity and busyness, or at least to limit it.

I will set my alarm for 7 am during the holidays and go for a run, instead of sleeping ‘till 10 am, I will write content for my business and I will do activities with the boys. Enough of just existing and “going with the flow”. I don’t know if I can change my sloth-like nature, but I will at least try. My job finishes sometime in Term 2, so I have until then to crank up my business and get some real money flowing in.

My coach tells me that the Law of Attraction is about inspired action, as much as it is about visualising what you want and even though I’ve been taking action, it has been sporadic and half-cocked.

I need a plan and a strategy, something I teach my clients, but haven’t done myself in the last two years. And I need to stop being afraid of failing, because if I do nothing, I fail before I even start.

So, Happy New Year, dear readers, I hope you have something you’re proud of from 2014 and that 2015 brings you joy, peace and contentment.